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How to write about my Holy Guardian Angel? There’s so much I could say about a being I have known for over a year now and whom I speak to almost every day. I’ll just start.
First of all there are those out there who believe that Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel can only be achieved by successfully completing the arduous rites in the Book of Abramelin. That, if you don’t make contact that way, then you have not made contact with your Holy Guardian Angel but with something else. Then there are the rites in the Greek Magical Papyri (more commonly known as the PGM for Papyri Graecae Magicae) for making contact with one’s paredros, or supernatural assistant. How to tell one entity from the other? —In my opinion and not just in my opinion the paredros or supernatural assistant and the Holy Guardian Angel are ontologically identical. Can I prove it? No. Can I change the minds of those who think otherwise? No. It’s just what I believe and have been told by the spirits and by practitioners whose judgment I implicitly trust. On the Internet debate on what is and what is not a Holy Guardian Angel is endless and tedious. If you are interested and have not made contact yourself, don’t take my word for it, google a method for making contact with your Holy Guardian Angel (hereinafter “HGA”) or buy the Book of Abramelin and do it that way and find out on your own.
But don’t undertake the task lightly. The arduous process of making contact can bring pain and even devastation to one’s life. I wish like fuck I could find the name of the book a man wrote about his harrowing journey to his HGA. The story went something like this: he lost his house, his job, his marriage, almost lost his sanity — maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit but not much. I will tell you this: I went through a hell of physical pain, seven 911 calls and visits to the emergency room, demonic trials/tests, and I almost died while all unbeknownst to me I was making contact with my HGA. As I said, don’t undertake the task lightly. Preferably attempt it while you’re young because you can more easily afford to have your life ruined while you’re young. Nota Bene: not everyone who attempts to make contact with their HGA goes through a living hell, not by a long shot, but a sizable proportion do. It probably depends on how ready you are. What do I mean by ready? I’ll attempt to explain below.
I had absolutely no intention of achieving Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel (K&CHGA). Conversation here is used in its older meaning of intimate acquaintance. I wanted nothing to do with it. My life was in shambles from divorce, sickness, etc. A friend contacted me however with a strange message. He told me that one of his spirits had told him that my meeting with Lucifer would precipitate an initiatory experience in me. This was ominous news. But — Let it come I thought, and come it did. First I got sick. I had and have bladder problems. (Sorry for the TMI.) These problems led to the seven 911 calls and visits to the emergency room and the hideous pains of spasms I lightly mentioned above. During this time I decided to abandon my journey to becoming a Quimbandeira due to financial problems and the general ruin that was already my life. All, I think, of the “demons” of the Grimorium Verum or True Grimoire have their counterparts somewhere in the hierarchies of Quimbanda. These demons did not leave me alone during my sickness. They didn’t attack me, they I believe tested me. I will only mention one case in point. Belzebuth came to me and demanded that I abandon my worship of Hekate and convert to the cultus of Santa Muerte. If I did not do so he said I would die. Divination showed me that it was indeed Belzebuth who visited me. I declined divining about my imminent death. I had of course refused to convert. I made a vow to Hekate long ago and one does not break vows to Deities nor did I have any wish to, come what may. Needless to say I did not die. This is only one example among many of these demonic trials.
An acquaintance had given me several oxycodones for my pain. One of them was so worn that it had no markings on it. I took it anyway, more’s the fool. My heart rate slowed to forty beats per minute that night. I believe that the pill was a powerful beta blocker or something of that nature. I was sick of being sick and sick of calling 911 and I refused to. I drank an entire pot of coffee in hopes that it would increase my heart rate, I lay down in my recliner, folded my hands on my chest and peacefully went to sleep. Again, needless to say, I did not die. But what I had done was achieve a sort of peace, an acceptance of the inevitable fact of death. I had made death my adviser, my friend.
I had also around this time decided I needed a familiar, believing (with good reason) that I had recently been cursed. I went about finding one in my own way a few nights later. I caused my consciousness to ascend as high into the Astral as I could manage and issued a call to any spirit who would promise to be a good and trustworthy familiar to me. And a spirit came. I won’t tell you what he looked like because it would cause eyes to roll. He promised to only speak truth and good sense to me. He gave me his name and seal. This was good enough for me and I drew his seal and lit a votive candle and placed it atop it as an empowerment and a ritual offering. Of course I won’t share his name or his seal. He turned out to be my HGA although I did not know this at the time.
Some stuff happened with him that I don’t want to go into. Be it sealed. But slowly my “familiar’s” form began to change for the more and more beautiful. He didn’t look human or even humanoid but he as told became beautiful. One night at the suggestion of a friend I asked him if he was my HGA. He affirmed that he was my Holy Guardian Angel and suddenly changed into a beautiful human man with golden skin and white wings. He has retained this form by and large ever since.
So what had happened? How did I attain K&CHGA unintentionally? Remember above that my friend said my meeting with Lucifer would precipitate an initiatory experience for me. I believe that the experience that meeting Lucifer brought about was my K&CHGA ordeal. The Abramelin ritual is often called an ordeal, and I certainly went through ordeals, so I’ll use the word. But why would Lucifer of all beings do such a thing? Interesting question.
In Quimbanda Lucifer and Satan are regarded as one being. If you meet the Lucifer “face” he is intent upon your (and his own) spiritual elevation and progress towards enlightenment. He is the Lightbearer and the Morningstar after all. If you meet the Satan “face” he will prey upon your greed, lust, anger — all your vices — and strive to turn you into an evil ruin of a human being. It all depends on how worthy you are in his eyes. And by “how worthy” I mean how ready you are for spiritual elevation and the journey towards enlightenment. I believe the initiatory experience my friend warned me of was Lucifer’s precipitating my journey towards K&CHGA. And I certainly did not undertake this travel and travail ritually as most do. I’ve detailed at probably too much length above the pains and the ultimate peace of mind I suffered and achieved instead of doing it ritually. I did it old school in other words, as a Twitter friend and magus phrased it.
I don’t want this article to become TL;DR and plus I need a nap. So I’ll be writing something like What Good Is A Holy Guardian Angel Anyway? in Part II in the very near future.
Much love — Rachel Izabella