She’s Courageous, She’s a Role Model, She’s 12 Years Old

ap-jazz

Read about Jazz at this link: http://bit.ly/1astHOj. She puts my stealth ass to shame. I want to be her when I grow up.

Jazz says in the article linked to above:

I wouldn’t change myself at all. Being transgender makes me who I am; a strong person, a confident person. Being transgender gives me my personality.

This. Just this.

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Read This – ConjureMan Ali’s Spiritual Blog: Syria, Prophecy, and the Downfall of Mages

A Big Evocation

Every magician, sorcerer, and witch could do much worse than read ConjureMan Ali’s blog article, linked to below. His emphasis on self-knowledge, really knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses, and on frequent reality checks (my term for it) — we should all be practicing these things. (Sorry for the anacolouthon, I haven’t had enough coffee yet.)

Self-delusion is so easy a trap for us practitioners to fall into. We may do a spell or perform a ritual and obtain the desired results. But how often after our first measure of success do we check that results are actually obtained? Probably not often enough. We may succeed at a divination or two, but after that do we reality check our work? Far too seldom. ConjureMan Ali addresses these points and much more besides and does so far more eloquently than I’m able to.

A most highly recommended article.

ConjureMan Ali’s Spiritual Blog: Syria, Prophecy, and the Downfall of Mages.

Divination with Playing Cards

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Jason Miller, author of several books and of Strategic Sorcery fame, has posted on his Facebook page six short videos on how to divine with playing cards. You can find them here: https://www.facebook.com/Inominandum. Just “like” his page and you can watch the videos.

I’ve been practicing with this system for just a couple of days but I completely agree with what he says about it — the readings are crystal clear. You can’t beat a divination system that you can learn from watching six three-something minute videos, that is just so easy, and that yields readings so clear and straightforward.

Very, very highly recommended.

Living in Stealth

scylla-and-charybdis-bookpalace

Scylla and Charybdis

I never wanted it. I certainly never planned it. But I moved to this apartment complex a month and a half ago and I simply was not going to be the first to bring up the fact that I’m trans. Somebody will read me and gossip will spread and I’ll deal, with boldness and a smile on my face — that’s what I thought would happen. But it hasn’t so far. A month and a half isn’t long, I admit, but I did not have the confidence in my own femininity to believe that living in stealth — meaning here that my neighbors think I’m a cis woman — for any length of time was even possible.

I’m conflicted about stealth. I was all about how visibility is a good thing for trans people, and I was going to be a poster child as it were. My thoughts on the matter run a little like this—

Am I living a lie? No, because I am a woman. Being a trans woman does not change that. And what my neighbors think of me is their business.

But trans women are different from cis women… Yes. Yes we are. But the fact I’m trans is none of anybody’s business.

What about the conversational acrobatics that living in stealth entails? *sigh* Yes, there’s that. Letting my neighbors go on about me being my children’s biological mother, or about my husband, and me just smiling and nodding and and saying as little as possible but still saying a little … that’s deceit. But I will not be the first to bring up my being trans. Psychologists say that we all tell about seventeen lies a day. If I implicitly tell nineteen, so be it.

So I am living a lie, or rather some little white lies… I suppose I am. Little white lies and conversational simplifications are a fact of life for everyone.

How does this make me feel? Bad, because I don’t like even little white lies. Good, because I enjoy being a woman and being perceived as a woman. I did say I was conflicted.

Should I come out to my closest neighbors? There is no question of should here. I’m under no obligation to tell anybody squat about my being trans. Once again it’s none of anybody’s business. I’m free to share the fact how, when, and where I choose (like here).

Why am I so set on not being the first to bring up the fact I’m trans? Because I’d feel like a pedophile going door to door by law and disclosing some wrongness about myself. There is however nothing wrong with me.

Am I sure I’m not just a coward? I’ve come out to a lot of people face to face. I could do it now, and I choose not to.

Does living in stealth put me in greater danger? Because stealth probably isn’t going to last forever… Being a trans woman is to be in danger already. Greater danger? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe the shock some neighbor might someday feel will engender fear and rage. But maybe the fact I’m already a cherished member of my little corner of the apartment complex will open a mind or two, if/when I’m outed. —But this is certain: coming out would put me in greater danger now. I don’t need that.

~~~~~~~~~

And so on and so forth.

With the advent of the Internet there’s really no such thing as deep stealth any more. But my closest neighbors aren’t exactly Internet whizzes. That said, my days of stealth probably won’t last forever. When they’re over I’ll deal, I’ll abide. Hell, I’ll even come to thrive. It’s what I always seem to do — survive. And in the meantime I am and will continue taking proactive steps.

I didn’t ask for or look for stealth. While it lasts … I’m conflicted, but I’m enjoying the unexpected peace and quiet.

~~~~~~~~~

Coda. This was a hard post to write, the topic difficult and very near to my life as I’m living it. All comments are of course welcome, but I do not need advice on whether to come out or not. I’ve received plenty of that already, some friends advising me to come out, some advising me not to. Thank you for your consideration.

Strong Words

Mammoth with Girl Hunter

Following the advice of Matt Cardin, author of the ebook A Course in Demonic Creativity, a free download by the way, I usually make myself write about a page (he suggests two but I manage one) of whatever the heck comes to mind first thing in the morning. A couple of mornings ago I wrote this. I read it to a friend and he liked it and asked me if I would type it up and email it to him. I thought just maybe somebody else would get something out of it too. Words have much power. —May your words/magic be strong.

No I will not be tamed — I will not be broken — I shall stand — I shall stand tall & proud — I am strong & I have a great power within me. I will awaken that power and I will extend that power to conquer & know myself & to change the world around me. All shall be in accord with my innocent & righteous will. I surrender not but instead I rise. No white flag, no arms in the air — I fight. I get my highs from spirit work, from devotion, from magic, and not from nicotine or alcohol. From creation & self-creation and not from self destruction. No more to lie down in darkness, no more to cleave to the dust but rather I fly, I sore, I touch the Sun & my strength is renewed like the eagle’s.

And my mind again shall be clear, even pellucid, like a bottomless pool hidden in the mountains that none has yet laid eyes on. I know, I will, I dare, I keep silence. I am at peace with all the universe — in solitude & silence, in the human world, in the spirit world, in all places, in all circumstances, I am at peace with myself and with all things.

So mote it be. Amen

The Spiritual Use of Road Opener Oil

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Photo via www.luckymojo.com

I’ll open with a quote from http://www.quadrivium-supplies.com/oil/road-opener.html — Quadrivium Supplies, by the way, makes my personal favorite Road Opener AKA Road Opening oil. (I hope they take my quote-theft as an advertisement, by the way, which is really what it is — I love their stuff.)

Road Opening is a powerful oil used to “open the way” between you and your goals. This is the oil to use when you feel stuck, blocked, or hemmed in by circumstance – when you’re ready to move forward, but there’s something in your way. Road Opening clears away blockages and by doing so, opens the way for new opportunities.

The “goals” and “blockages” and “new opportunities” that the quote above from Quadrivium Supplies mentions are, as far as I can tell, usually interpreted as meaning as material goals, blockages, and new opportunities. For example, say you’re stuck in a crummy job — you might apply a dab of Road Opener oil to the palms of your hands in the morning, rub it in good, and as they say go pound the pavement looking for a new and better job. Or, more generally, maybe you just feel that your life is in a rut. Road Opener oil can help you get out of that rut and improve your lot. —And an added prayer to a road opening Deity or Spirit or one of magic or witchcraft only helps empower the oil’s ingredients. Ganesha, Hermes, and Papa Legba come immediately to mind. Hekate is also known as Einodia — Goddess of all roads — so She’s another good choice. Or if you’re a Christian just pray to God or Jesus or the Blessed Virgin. You can also pray non-theistically — praying to the Universe itself is one way to do this.

But the mere mention of how prayer can further empower such a simple magic immediately brings an additional spiritual aspect to Road Opening. And adding the power of the spiritual realm to that of the material realm of the oil’s ingredients not only further empowers the magic but, to my mind, also brings up the question Why not use Road Opener oil to help you access the spiritual realm, or a particular Deity or Spirit, or to help you achieve your spiritual goals?

And in my experience it works really great for such purposes. For example I’ve personally found that Road Opener works better for me as a preparation for divination than what folks normally use — mugwort, star anise, inter alia.

Maybe it’s just me. But maybe it’s worth a try in your own practice as well.

Also during those times when it feels as if you’re praying to a blank wall or as if your Patron Deity has just up and gone, then Road Opener is a good choice. This leads me to believe that generally speaking there is a spiritual blockage within me at such times, and that the Gods are just fine, thank you very much.

Road Opener also helps me access the astral plane, which is something I’ve had a lot of difficulty with since beginning my transition. So whether you’re into astral projection, crossing the hedge, active imagination, waking dream, or consulting your inner guides, Road Opener may be a potential go to if you’re having difficulties.

I’m sure these three examples are enough to get your imagination working on how you yourself might give the spiritual use of Road Opener a try. Just one caveat:

I’m speaking solely out of my own experiences here. It works for me, but no promises. —That said, I think it’s worth your experimenting with. I wouldn’t be writing about it otherwise, now would I…

May your magic be strong.