Wednesday, Depression, Magic

Wednesday My Cat

This is a picture of my cat Wednesday. He’s been missing for one week now. I haven’t given up hope, but neither am I counting on ever seeing him again. It’s a difficult act of emotional juggling.

I’ve divined about him, I’ve done magic to get him back, sigil shoals and deals with spirits. A friend even had a direct perception of him (the term direct perception is from the Greek Magical Papyri) but either my friend’s vision was faulty or when I got there Wednesday had moved on. I check the animal shelter’s website several times a day, I’ve described him to every neighbor who’s walked by as I sit outside, and I sit outside my apartment sometimes late at night, just in case. —Nothing. Wednesday is probably just gone. I can’t bring myself to divine again whether or not he’s still alive.

Now I’m going to go all antinomian on you and confess a nigh unforgivable sin. —I’m depressed. There, I said it.

Life’s handed me a lot of lemons over the last couple of months and I managed to deal with them one and all — and quite well even if I do say so myself. But Wednesday’s disappearance and the cases of me getting my hopes up when somebody tells me they’ve seen him but it turns out not to be him after all — my brain couldn’t deal. It’s a mild depression and it won’t last very long — I know my own history in such matters all too well.

The stigma attached to depression in our society isn’t as bad as it used to be — in most circles. But in the small world of the online occult community most still speak of their problems guardedly, or not at all. As if a magician or witch or sorceress were supposed to be able to ward themselves from every ill whatsoever. I’m exaggerating, of course. But when it comes to a mental illness, I may not be exaggerating at all.

Well, fuck that. I’m depressed!

So what am I going to do about it? I’m going to do magic, that’s what. Magic is the ultimate antidepressant. It won’t magically cure the depression, but it sure is a lot of fun. And a lot of fun is about the best thing for depression. —I’m rather pious, and for a lot of the more pious pagans out there their Gods are what make their world go around. Not me. For me it’s magic. Magic rocks my world. Magic is my panacea. (It’s a good thing, btw, that my Patroness is a Goddess of magic.) —Well, magic isn’t literally a panacea. But it feels like one.

If you’ve read much of my blog I hope you know that I value openness and honesty. I value them over saving face. I felt I owed it to my readers — the few, the loyal — to explain why I’ve let the blog languish … yet again. Well, now you know.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have some magic I need to go do.


5 thoughts on “Wednesday, Depression, Magic

  1. *HUGS* Sweetie…you’ll pull through this…and if you need anything…you know where to find me!!!!

  2. Depression is not a bad thing. It has its uses, but the fact that you’re getting up and doing something is key. Best wishes on making it through all this.

  3. Robert Mitchell says:

    Breathe your power into the cycle and ride its natural flow to a higher crest. After every lull there follows a wave. Be well!

  4. moongoat says:

    My darling cat went missing about a month ago, and I went through the same process as you. I still stifle a breakdown every time I drive past the flyers I’ve littered my area with and find myself peeking around to any area that a couple friends divined and tranced about weeks ago.

    Have you tried putting some of his used litter out in front of your place? Sometimes cats just need to pick up on their scent to find their way home.

    It’s a horrible spot to be in, and to have it be that last proverbial crack in n the dam is wrenching.

    I know I’m pretty new to you and your blog, but I commiserate with you. *big hugs*

  5. Rose says:

    Hugs to you, sweetie. I know how you feel as my cat, Zeus, is leaving me today. My prayers are with you and Wednesday.

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