Magic: To Keep the Landlord/Landlady Away

I have no idea where I got this very simple Hoodoo or Conjure spell from, it’s not in any of my books. Maybe somebody shared it on the Internet. But it worked for me.

Tips. — Focus. Use as much one-pointed concentration as you can muster. If you’re thinking about hooking up tonight and not about what you’re doing, it won’t work. Remember the Holy Triangulum (as the Cultus Sabbati folks call it, being fond of large words, but having borrowed the notion from Austin Osman Spare) of Will-Desire-Belief. You must will it to work. You must want it to work. You must believe you can do this. Belief here can be considered as either self-confidence or being free from doubt. Last, if you’re the sort who worries about Karma and that sort of thing, this spell may not be for you, even though it caused my landlady no harm as far as I could tell.

To keep a nosy landlord or landlady out of your home, first get about a handful of Vandal Root, better known as Valerian. I got mine from the drugstore in capsules, and pulled the two halves apart to get to the powdered root or flower inside. I used fifteen or twenty. Then take it to your front step. If you don’t have a front step then I suspect that just outside your front door will work fine. Say a prayer to the appropriate Deity of your choice, if you want to. Holding the Vandal Root in your dominant hand, curse your landlord or landlady seven times, saying it out loud and using plain English (or whatever your native language is). I said, “God damn you, Jane Doe,” where “Jane Doe” was really my landlady’s name. Then spread the powder over your front step. Done.

When I lived alone in my tornado proof trailer in the mountains, my landlady would visit often during the first month or so. I had lots of things I didn’t want her to see, so I had to keep them hidden during the day. She would look everywhere. Then she would sit at the kitchen table and tell me all about Victory (Southern) Baptist Church … how good a man the preacher was … how good the choir was. Inevitably she would invite me to attend the coming Sunday. I didn’t want any of that, thank you very much. After I performed the above spell she never visited the inside of my trailer again until the day I moved out. —That was about six months of privacy, of being landlady free.

May your magic be strong.

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